Since some of the potential attendees of the up-coming "Cover Version" reunion in Kuching is going to come (or not to come) based on how much hugging activities will be happening at the event....I thought I might as well start the week off by putting up a post on the subject.
Like Stephen, I haven't hugged my mum for ages. Nor my brother or sister. Mine is quite a pro-western kind of family, but still not western enough to openly show affection amongst family members through hugging each other. I think it's quite a sad thing that the old Asian culture doesn't have a habit of hugging....I'm sure that's going to be a thing of the past when the Kch reunion falls into place! By the way, am I correct to say that Malay families hug each other more than the Chinese do?
Personally, I've only come across people who are very open to hugging as a gesture of affection in the last 4-5 years. Which also means that I've hugged/been hugged (by people who are not family) more in the last 4-5 years compared to in the last 20 years. And it's one of the most effective natural energy and morale booster around. I'm glad to say that I've never stopped hugging my nephews - they're now aged 21, 19 and 15. And the same goes for my husband too, we usually start our day with a hug. One 3-sec hug a day strengthens a marriage in leaps and bounds.
Many years back, Leh Ning & I both observed that the guys do a lot of "touching" as a bonding gesture when they meet up after a long while...and by "guys", we mean YOU lah. You pat each other on the shoulders and your hands give each other's back a good rub. Then, when you're seated you give each other a good slap on the thigh - pap! Are we right or not? Strangely, the girls refrain from ANY kind of physical contact when we meet up. Hmmm....I'm sure you guys would have much to say on this..
If you're not yet a hugger, better start practising!
17 comments:
Waah. A few issues to answer here.
I do not know whether I am representative of Malay culture, but in my family, we do not hug very much or other for, of bonding. It is only lately that I kiss my mother's forehead whenever I leave her to go somewhere far (i.e. travelling). Kissing the hands of elderly, though, is common among Malays (not so common among other Muslim races).
I initiate hugging with my wife more than she does (with me). I am very much the doting type. Lately, too, I have started to hug my kids more. Kiss them more. All these are done fairly recently and not so much of a traditional thing.
When I was in the States, it was a culture shock for me when the American girls start hugging me when we meet for social functions. This I did not do with Malaysian girls (regardless of race) who were studying there with me. Like automatic this was not a Malaysian culture.
And one, very very sensitive issue for me: I do not like to be touched by a guy, no matter how close he is to me. I only realized this when I started working. When I was a boyscout, we male-bonded quite often.
But now, NO. NO MEANS NO OKAY. Handshake is enough. No hugging, no touching, no buddy-buddy.
AND I really hate it if the guy has a very strong body odour. And also wears too much cologne, such that after shaking hands, your hand smells of his cologne for some time.
Shit shit shit I really hate the smell thing.
On the other hand, I love to be touched by a woman. On the smell of a woman, it is fifty-fifty for me. Sometimes I like their smell, sometimes I dont.
But I guess this male-touching thing, when he is a friend that I am comfortable with, I dont mind the casual pat on the shoulder. Or if he happens to be my boss, or my supervisor, I also dont mind.
I am fortunate though that I have had bosses or have bosses that do not have strong body odour.
Enough comments for you Ivy? Enough or not???
Ha ha ha ha hah!!!! I am really having a good laugh here! I'll try my best to smell nice when I meet you.
What triggered the recent change with your kids, Hansac?
Ivy, very interesting topic,huh...as I read on your lines, I already felt the energy...
and I have few points to share;
a)Among males: only for teenagers or very good friends/buddies, we do hug, pat but never stroke or touch slowly...as what Hansac had pointed out. Now, we need to be very careful...really extra careful...they may call sexual harrassment..
b) Among ladies especially the young ones...I noticed that you all like to hold hands...beside always asking the other whether they want to go "ladies" together..guys would never ask such thing.
c) With husband or wife, I think not only hugs but should with a kiss every morning, as I think the energy will definitely flow throughout the day.
d) I do agree that Malays are more affectionate a lot than other races in Malaysia. That is a plus point...as affirmed by my boyfriends
BTW, since you have open up your experiences especially in the last few years, I think Hansac and Heroes, will be the no.1 and no.2 in the line up.
Hansac, since you mentioned that you do not like to smell the bad odour or overly perfumed body, how do you nicely tell them ?
Reading this immediately put a smile on my face :)
Like most other Asians, I don't hug my parents at all. Until my mom broke tradition and gave me a big hug on the day I went back to attend my grandma's funeral back in 1996. Since then, I do give her a hug whenever I can.
One thing I would really love to do, but haven't so far is to hug my dad. Somehow, it just feels......awkward. But I do love him very much and I hope to gather up enough courage to hug him one day.
As for my own family, myself and my wife do hug often, and nowadays with my baby's arrival we do "group" hug, with the baby in the middle, haha :)
Have a happy hugging festival in Kuching :P
Yeah,
Hugging is good. I didn't start before, but now, I am doing it everyday.
I won't say hugging is not Asian culture NOW but rather for our parents generation and it traces back to perhaps our ancestors back in China (any Historian here to confirm this?).
Generally, I hug my kids everyday and my wife whenever possible. Western influence, ya you may say so cuz we watch TV and practice what's healthy. When exchanging sign of peace during mass, my wife and I kiss (the public version lah) and we both pat on our kids cheek and they do to each other likewise. I still recall before I got married there was a couple who always kiss as well during mass and the hubby would quickly later on wipe his lips probably due to lipstick mark which his wife used heavily and they are the couple whom Joseph Sia and I would always mark for observation due to humuorous ending!
As for my parents, I tend to be more affectionate to my mum than daddy. Hugging my dad is totally un-recall of and it is just not the thing I am getting used to do. Shame ho. But we love each other and it is expressed in many other ways than just hug. Generally speaking we are all going through the same changes in our culture. It is more towards each generation culture rather than for a race as a whole.
Culture changes and influenced by others as well. To me it is something good and it is a form of expression. Keep it up and glad to know more hugging in our generation.
Guys touching each other when no meet for a long time? Can't recall off but I do notice some guys tend to touch more than others like pat on the shoulder, lap and nothing more. Lap??? Aisay, a bit....hehe. Ivy tell me who tend to touch lap when we meet huh?
Ivy, we meet quite often but so far why no hug hug yet leh? Hehe....dun run away when we meet next time ha!
What triggered my recent change: For the past three years I have been away from home quite a number of time, and I discovered that my kids grew up without waiting for me! Suddenly 4 feet tall already! Haiya. They also distance themselves from me. So there.
g8buds: Actually I still have problem with expressing myself interpersonally. So I do not tell people directly that they offend me. Currently I try to avoid them or avoid shaking their hands. It is not the way to go, I agree. Must change attitude for the better, soon.
But really I just want to punch the guy with excessive cologne in the face, or give him a tight slap to wake up.
Gr8buds, the holding hands thingy is mostly observed only among young girls, as u mentioned.
If u see any young adults & above doing it, I'd say u're looking at slightly immatured ones...plus,my observation is tht those fm chinese stream schl do it more often than the Eng/BM stream ones. I've NEVER held a girl's hand and go skip-walking, YUK!!
You're right, Hansac. Kids grow up real quick, if we don't keep wrkg on hvg a close bond with them, soon they'll hv their own world and own friends. Tht starts as early as 8-10yrs old. I believe in being a friend to our kids, the relationship becomes much closer. I knw it's easier said than done.
Tee, you don't hug for the sake of hugging. Among friends, I wld hug when the occasion is appropriate and the hug feels right. With u...? Nah...I don't think those 2 things fall into place.
Ivy, could u still remember when was our last huggy thingy during early 80s in my house's dance floor?? :)..:P I had tried very very hard to retrieve from my idle file of memory bank...but the file was unretrievable.
When talking about hugging our parents, it make me recall of an incident or i should call last incident i had in my ilfe. Back in 1993, when i moved back to Kuching to work. On 3/3/1993, after work I went back home from work at around 5.30pm. One of the reason I moved back to Kuching was that my mum has to undergo radiotherapy of her womb cancer. That afternoon, when I reached home, I saw my mum sitting on the sofa and smile at me. We had a chit-chat for a while and she said she was tired and I accompany her to the bedroom. Then I proceeded to do the kitchen. After few minutes, i heard my mum coughing non stop and I rush to the bedroom and saw she was vomiting blood. I was so shocked and nervous, so I quickly asked my father and uncle to help. We rushed her to the hospital. Inside the car, I was hugging her and talked to her.....she was very weak but still keep on asking my auntie to take care of me.....reaching hospital she was still awake. In the emergency room, the doctor asked us to see her before she passed on. She was speechless but smile at me....there was a tear drop from her eye moment before she passed on.....That was the last hug which I would ever had to my mum....
My father passed away on 6/1/2004. I would say that I hardly hug my father too. Gr8buds was the only friend who was with me when my dad passed away in the hospital away that day. As that day I fetched him for lunch and I received a call from hospital that my father was in coma during the dialysis process. We rushed to the hospital and the doctor informed me that my father has passed away.
For those who had hardly hug yr mum or dad, please do it now.....I mean it....
Thanks heroes for the reminder to appreciate our parents.
I appreciate that very much.
It takes a big person to openly share private/personal episodes of his or her life with everyone....have much to learn from you, Kok Say!
Hansac,..may be you can mentioned...did I smell salty fish or who "fatt" here ?? :)
Or probably bring him to spa...or a rub or give a soap to him..hehehe
g8buds:
Heheh.
You say you just dont see it
He says its perfect sense
You just cant get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we dont see eye to eye
- Excerpts, The Living Years, Mike & The Mechanics.
WH
Quote Hansac:
"I only realized this when I started working."
Hansac...I disagree with you on this. I noticed you didn't liked to be touched or given a pat on the back way back in our F5 years. Most of the time, you'll give the giver a cold stare. Perhaps you didn't realise it then but that's the truth, amigo.
Heroes: Sorry you had to go through those moments...but am glad there are silver linings to it.
I can't remember when I started hugging my father and mom but I know it started with an epiphany quite some time back. Felt awkward at first but eventually we got the hang of it. I've even gotten to saying "I love you".
Remember mon amies, recapping what Heroes said, treasure those living years.
WH
Do what you CAN NOW for you may not be able to do what you WANT NEXT - Warhammer, circa 2007
WARHAMMER WHO THE HELL ARE YOU LAAA...
You must be in my class (5Sc1) or 2A3 or 3A4 for you to be this observant, or you were a boyscout too, hence your fixation for things military.
Yes, I second Ivy, not just skin, but will flog your sorry behind if I know who you are.
Hansac,
I don't need to be in your class to be observant... :P
If ya wanna flog me...come join me for an offroad trip this weekend...muahahahaha [evil laughter coz I know u can't]...muahahahaha
Warhammer
Post a Comment